"Saving The Glow" by Jenny Biggs

(Note from Jenny: I know that my physical battle is what made me a "Champion", but the emotional battle was tougher than the physical one. This poem is about that struggle.)

Saving The Glow

In a room full of people you feel so alone

And you wonder what you did so wrong,

Looking inside the circles of people

And to fit in is all that you long.

You feel as invisible as a weak gust of wind

And smaller than one grain of rice,

You feel so rejected and empty of love

To the point where you contemplate life.

People around you tell you "you're loved"

And you know inside that they're all right,

But the enemy fills you with negative thoughts

And doubts that you re-live at night.

You pace through the halls and frown at the floor

Pass mirrors you don't want to pass,

You're scared to look in them and see what you'll see

You're scared it will just point and laugh.

Faking smiles is how you get through these dark days

You're hiding your pain with a grin

You feel like you never will find real ones now

And never find comfort again.

Reaching for peace and searching for light

Your candle has almost gone out,

Faith, Hope and Love is what you should have

But that's what you're living without.

Visits to doctors, but none worth the cost

Insincere theories and thoughts,

You just want some healing and all on your own

Not all the tears doctors brought.

You miss your old smile and sweet, friendly laugh

You want it to come back and stay,

Frowns, tears, discomfort is now how you live

And what you are used to these days.

Physically here but your mind wanders off

To a place that is lonely and cold,

You want to believe all the words Momma says

And every "I love you" you're told.

You're so insecure and scared of the mirror

Like children are scared of the dark,

This mood's getting old and your heart needs a break

It's scarred and is falling apart.

You finally surrender and give up the fight

And you feel as your spirit has died,

You've burned out your candle and stayed in the dark

And forgot how you felt in the light.

Long days pass as you cry all alone

And now you are used to your pain,

The palm trees that used to sway in your world

Have died and your blue sky is rain.

You want back your laughter, it's time to fight back

You're tired and want this to clear,

You don't know what, but you need to do something

To dry all these miserable tears.

You know that you're fighting and you know it's for peace

But you don't know what you will do first,

You go to more doctors with hope it will end

But all that it does is get worse.

Even though all these doctors are just wasted time

You learn what you could've just read

You can choose your feeling and feel how you want

You now feel your soul has been fed

Slowly but surely, you renew your old peace

And through this you discover the truth

When you go through this fight you need someone stronger

And someone who makes all things new.

You now see the positive with Jesus' help

And with Him on your side you can't lose,

Before, you were dead, and now you're alive

Over darkness it's light that you choose.

You listen to God and you regain your hope

You're glad that you opened this door,

With Jesus' love you are made new again

And He gives what was stolen before.

You long to be heard, but you were all along

You fell and you thought you had lost,

But then, just in time, Jesus showed up

He rose and He lives by the cross.

Darkness and shame took over your world

Your high peace turned into a low

But now you're with Jesus and His world is light

Your candle now has a bright glow.